each word a gift

This week I was in a very typical situation and I blew it. (Also, pretty typical).

The setting. A meeting.
An off the cuff comment by (person 1) led to hurt feelings (person 2) led to defensiveness then trying to walk back through it to resolution in front of others.
I am a huge fan of healthy conflict in meetings, so that’s not the issue.
The issue is what happens next.

As the dust settled and there were only a few people standing around (person2) asked for honest feedback on their behavior.
I froze. It was nearly impossible to discuss what we had experienced without talking about (person 1 who had left the room).
I know because I stood there for minutes trying to figure out how to do it.
I finally stammered something, with no real explanation and slithered out of the room feeling uncomfortable. The

The rest of the week I’ve wondered about that situation.
What should I have said?
I’ve landed on… “I’m sure the two of you can find resolution if you talk it out.”
But the setting was public. So is there some acceptable discussion with the group?
The people in this setting did a good job. But, more often than not, this kind of thing gets ugly.

Who do you go to when you need a shoulder to cry on or to be challenged to be your better self?
I have a couple of girlfriends who I tell most everything. They are safe. They love me when I'm an idiot. They keep my head on straight and challenge me.
But if I retell a story in order to get counsel… what is gossip and what is healthy constructive communication?

This got me thinking about the peril of communication and community in the church.
One of my favorite topics.

I’m so challenged this week, that we’ve got to be different from the world.
Is this one way we could mark ourselves as more like Christ.
I’m sure that Jesus had conversations with his disciples about the events of the day but I bet they look a lot different than mine.

"Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift. Ephesians 4:29 MSG"

This little piggy

Long before Facebook launched a family beta... the technologically savvy Fraser Clan launched their own google group.
this week Chris posted this and because we happen to be related to the grand champion pig farmers in Wa. County... he's actually getting some real advice. Who'd a thunk?
but in the slim chance that you might also have some info, i'm posting it here.

Hey everyone.
So I should probably update you on my life at some point but not today :). Things are going well basically. School is fun; classes are cool this year and actually not as hard as in previous years (more advanced but less work), and I am busily applying for graduate schools and scholarships.

Anyway, the more pressing question is this:
My residential college's mascot is the "battlesow." For some reason, the master at my college (that is, the professor who lives with us and throws social events, gives advice etc.), thinks it is a good idea for my college to obtain a live pig which we will take care of, feed leftovers, etc. Don't ask me.

He has set up a committee of people to investigate the viability of obtaining such a pig. They are thinking of probably a very small pig for ease of care. Besides that, I am not sure what they are thinking really.
Anyway, one of my friends is on the committee and I mentioned that my extended family had a number of pigxperts.
So, do you guys have any words of widsom?
For one thing, do you know what laws about owning pigs are like? What sort of work is involved in taking care of a small pig? We have heard that you have to take care of their teeth? Can you blindly feed them leftovers from the cafeteria or is that a bad idea (we have read you have to boil food).

Haha.
Thanks for your input,
Christopher

breathing

It’s Sep 30th and I am "home"
It’s the first time I've been here since my father’s memorial service.
He would be 80 today.
But, he is not here.
I noticed it as I lifted my own suitcase in to the trunk at the airport.
I'm realizing a little better what life must be like for my Mom, now.
His things are here.
The garage, the Studebaker model, the chair he napped through Donahue in and the chair he used when he was sick, the crepe myrtle, the aviary, the nail kit, the piano, the organs.
But his touch, his spirit is missing, it’s as if the music in our home has died.

Reality is easier to ignore at a distance.

I didn’t expect it.
I thought I would sense him here, feel his presence more.
What I am struck by, as I get used to him not being here, is the reminder that life is not about our stuff.
It is about what we do while we have breath.
And he did a lot.
And, how strong and brave my Mom and brother have been to continue breathing here without him.

Parents are People Too

It’s that time of year… lots of friends are sending kids away to college. Several of my closest friends are emptying their nest.
A friend posted this on their facebook status today: I want my kids to grow up and be independent and I don't want my kids to grow up and be independent! (Annie Salness)
I can relate… (AND I’m relishing coming home each night and giving Molly a kiss on the forehead because she chose NOT to go to college this fall).

I wonder what my friends are going to do with their new redefined life? Now that they, like their children, are grown up and independent, in their own way.
And, the closer our nest gets to empty, the more I start to look at myself and see what else, if anything, I’ve got going on in my life.

Add to that some conversations with Molly over the past few days. Adult conversations. About real life. About me as an individual. A person who has made decisions, some good some bad.
And a trip next week to go visit my mother.
This will be my first time spending extended time with her as an individual, without my Dad, who passed away 15 months ago.
They were such a pair, a couple. Parents.

And I realize if I want Molly to know me as a person, not just her Mom, I have to be willing to know my Mom as Louise.
Grown up and independent.
As I want her to know me.

Toes back in the water...

Last week when my blog was mentioned from the platform in church I realized I dont do this anymore. I wondered why. I dont even read others' blogs anymore.
I've blamed it on other social media things like twitter and facebook, they are convenient.

Yes, I twitter. Nothing worth following but I like knowing what my friends are doing and generally blurting out random thoughts, so it works for me. I dont follow many people and have no idea why anyone would follow me.

Yes, I facebook. I like this alot. Not because it's replaced real relationships but because it's helped me connect and develop relationships with people I wouldn't find or make time for otherwise. Oh and I love pictures.

But recently, I've become more and more aware of some things.
I've laughed at the quick wit, creativity and humor and at times envied others, Josh Higginbotham, if you must know. He just eats and plays well.
And, I've wondered if I could ever type as fast as Erika Lee.
I've hurt people by not responding or reaching out.
I've hurt people by not reading for a day and missing something important to them.
I've been there, I've expected others would know things about me, because I'd posted it.
And, I've been hurt by things I have seen and read.

I wonder if the accessibility makes us more inclusive or further publicizes even unintended exclusivity?

I dont have answers, but I do know that I am more carefree/careless those two places than I am when I blog. And frankly, my life isn't that carefree nor do I wish to be careless.
Maybe that's it... 140 characters is way to small of a glimpse in to a life.
My life is messy right now.
My community is messy right now.
The people I am closest to are in many cases deeply hurting or in life transition. I am affected by this, so it's been more difficult to write when so much of my story this year hasn't only been mine.
And, I am messy right now.

I am more aware the power of words/thoughts, blogging comes from a deeper place for me, and is risky. But, if I am honest, I miss slowing down to think outloud here.

So, thank you Barb Feil for encouraging me to do my random stream of consciousness thing again... i think i'll put my toes back in the water.